This is always the part of pregnancy that kind of drags. It's the home stretch, but I could go into labor anytime from now (very unlikely) to the beginning of January. It's the unknown that makes it hard to deal with, but it also makes it pretty exciting not knowing what day our little munchkin is going to make his appearance. Having a due date right near Christmas makes it a little easier because there is so much going in during the holiday season that I have lots of things to distract me. There is present wrapping, Christmas tree decorating, baking, Santa Clause seeing and Christmas- light looking to be done. I kind of hope for a Christmas or Christmas Eve baby because I think that would be pretty special, but at the same time I would hate for my midwives to have to come in for a birth on a holiday. Joel is shooting for New Year's Eve baby because it works with his work schedule the best (and we can claim Phoenix on our taxes). We will just have to wait and see how it plays out! All I know is that this labor should go much quicker (if I'm lucky) and I know generally what to expect this time. I know I can handle the contractions and the pain during transition and I know that this time I should take it easy after giving birth instead of trying to be at 100% like I was last time! Less than 24 hours after my labor last time I insisted on getting out of the birth center and going for a short 4 block walk to the convenience store by Alma. Although everyone tried to talk me out of it, I wanted fresh air so I went with Gus and Joel and my parents. I barely made it there without falling over and my pulse spiked way up. Big mistake I will not make this time. I am going to relax and take it easy (although I am not good at doing that, I need to).
This time around we are also going to spend the first 24 hours bonding and only have family come to visit us and invite friends to the birth center the 2nd day. We may not even tell people when I go into labor this time just to keep the texts and phone calls to a minimum while I am in labor, unlike last time.
At my last checkup, baby P was in a pretty good position for birth, although he is slightly on his side and not completely anterior but it's a much better position than Gus was in. I have been feeling lots of movement and lots of little contractions that go away as soon as I move position so I know they are braxton hicks. I also have been feeling crampy and achy these last few days, which I remember feeling a lot of in the weeks leading up to labor last time.
I had a burst of energy yesterday and got a lot of cleaning/organizing done. I set up a "nursing station" in our room with the pump and all accessories as well as all the other fun stuff I use during breastfeeding. This time around I have an arsenal of things to help me avoid all the issues I had last time! All of our bags are officially packed too and by the front door with P's carseat. I forgot how much stuff we have to bring with us to the birth center! I have so many cute little winter outfits for him to wear when he's born, I can't wait! We have also been talking to Gus a lot about being a big brother. I am not sure how much of it is actually sinking in but I think he's going to do great adjusting to the huge change in our lives. He even kisses and snuggles my belly every morning on the couch! The hard part is going to be for me not being able to spend as much attention on him and his needs because I know most of my energy and time will go to breastfeeding for at least the first two months. He will get to spend a lot of quality time with daddy and both sets of grandparents right after the baby is born so I am hoping that will help. Overall though, I think the transition will be fairly easy because he is so young.
In other news, I have been reflecting a lot lately (I tend to do this while pregnant) and my heart is heavy looking back knowing how many friends have drifted away since I have had a kiddo. I am so grateful for the friends I have and I have grown so much closer to some people in my life since I have had a child, but others I have lost, probably forever. 3 out of my 4 bridesmaids in my wedding in 2010 I am no longer in contact with for various reasons. Now I'm not saying I still want to be close to these people, because some of them have really hurt me, but it still makes me sad to know they aren't in my life. I know they probably don't think about me or how I am doing or care, but I still think of them. Even after all the crap that went down, I never wanted to lose friendships, and I have. I know I am at fault for a lot of stuff that went down and how I handled it but I still hold resentment toward these people. I just have to move on and be incredibly thankful for some really great girls in my life who love me AND my kid!
Other friends that I absolutely love to death, I have been horrible at keeping up on their lives. I don't want to be that person who just gets so involved in her own life that she has no "time" for her awesome friends. I have had a friend like that in the past and it sucked. I do not want to turn into that person. Ever. I don't care how busy I am, I always, always need to make time for my friends. So for you guys that I have neglected, I love you and think about you all the time and nothing has changed! If you ever, ever needed me for anything I am just a phone call away! I'm sorry for being so neglectful lately! I feel horrible!
I know that as I have more kids and my life gets even more busy, it will be harder and harder to keep up with the friendships I cherish so much, but I will do whatever it takes to keep those relationships alive. They mean a lot to me and I don't want to neglect them ever again.
Pregnancy always brings up past issues for me and it's the one part of pregnancy that is extremely hard for me to deal with. I hate it, but in the end it turns me into a better person by learning what is important in life and what is not. It has also forced me to clean my life of toxic people. My life has improved tremendously since doing this soul searching, but that doesn't make it easy.
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