Being pregnant for the 1st time naively I thought that everything would stay pretty much the same in my life, minus having a baby. Boy I could not have been further from the truth. Anyone who has gotten married/started a family knows that it changes your entire life; from relationships, to schedules, to the way you look at the world. It really transforms you in a way.
Some people can't accept that your life has changed, whether because of jealousy issues, maturity discrepency or some unknown reason.
My sister in law once told me that friendships are constantly evolving and changing and that's OK. It's better to accept that we will lose and gain quite a few friends as life paves its unique path for us all. It's comforting to hear that, but at the same time it's hard to accept.
When I got pregnant the first time around, I had envisioned a utopian life filled with supportive friends and good times with all of our kids growing up together. And if they didn't have kids, I still envisioned them being a huge part of Gus' life and a significant part of ours. We would make it work because we had a lot of awesome friends surrounding us...right? Wrong. It didn't take long for the true feelings of people to come out. I am the type of person that sits on the sidelines and supports all my friends. I was never one in the limelight. All my friends were getting engaged/married/divorced while I still sat with a boyfriend I loved but no wedding in sight. Of course eventually I got married and quickly had a baby. I think some of my closest friends were used to me never getting attention and when I got attention for being pregnant and more namely for choosing a natural birth, that made one friend in particular rage with jealously because she did not have the birth experience that I was planning/did have. Another very close friend, chose to not even come and meet August or see me at all during my pregnancy. August is almost 14 months and he still has made not one single effort to meet our son. I refuse to put up with nonsense like this and thus, Joel and I both agreed that the best thing for us was to "live and let live" with these people. They once were great friends, but they could not and would not be supportive of our changing lives with our beautiful son. We blocked off all communication and although I still think of them both often, I know it's absolutely what's best for my son and for us. We have another couple of friends who just don't fit into our lives anymore.
There is a silver lining to all of this. In the year plus that we have been blessed with August in our lives, we/I have grown very close to people we hardly knew before and grew even closer to friends who have been tirelessly supportive of us. I now have a great group of mama friends that I can count on for playdates, advice etc. and it's so wonderful to have.
Having kids really brings out the best and worst in people. I have lost some very close friends, but have gained some life long friends in the process. My duty is always and will always be to protect my kids from "unhealthy" people, especially emotionally unstable ones and I had to make decisions in order to do that.
I am so happy with my decisions!
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